heather_the_sad (heather_the_sad) wrote in cuts_of_pain,

cut me dry.

alright. so I'm heather.I'm 14. I want to cut really bad. i dont know what to do. i cut a lot a couple years ago and ive been really good about not cutting even when i want to.  but last week i cut again.  really badly. i wrapped a hair elastic around my arm twice and slid it down so it would cut of circulation. it makes it bleed a lot more.  i cut 48 times in 3 nights. im just so stressed and i cant deal with it.  i started all cuz my mom died. i wish that i never started. whatever...i cant change the past. but i dont know how to change the future. so much of my wants to cut that it hurts. a little part of me knows that i shouldnt, but that part always gets covered up by the feelings i have. i cut because i hate myself, im stressed, im tired, they think im fine and im NOT, to feel better.    i dont know what exactilly about it makes me feel better. its really odd.
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I'm really sorry about your mom. My mom lost her dad over ten years ago and it's like I lost her too. I know that pain and confusion hurts. I know that cutting when you say you won't hurts even more. Try not to give yourself the pressure of giving up cutting lead you to feel guilty when you lapse. We don't expect you to drop cutting cold turkey. It's going to be a tough process but you'll come out on top.

I have come to realize in my little experience with the world that things never go the way we want it to and this can be stressful for us because we like to control things. But there's not much or nothing we can do to change the fact that bad things come and go. We can only roll with the punches and work with the end result. Sometimes this means accepting that the things that stress us out is going to happen but it's only another path to another journey. Think of it as walking around a new neighbourhood, you don't know where one street leads but it will eventually get to the main road. Life is too short to stress the little things. We gotta grab hold of life by the tail and let her take us for the ride of our lives.

It hurts me to see someone so young cutting. I want you to know that you can fight this no matter how shitty the situation becomes. Those cuts become scars and they will be a constant reminder of how bad you feel. What you want are reminders that tomorrow is a new day and you have new chances to be someone strong. I've been getting tattoos for these milestones as a reminder that I've still got hope. Maybe you can find a new outlet for hope instead of hopelessness. The tattoos have replaced cutting for me but they started to represent good things to me. You're still underage but if your dad knows about your cutting then maybe he'll agree to let you get tattoos to replace the cutting.