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[26 Nov 2009|05:48am]


Angela Hartlin's memoir, FOREVER MARKED: A Dermatillomania Diary has finally been released! Please join her Facebook Fan page to spread word about this skin picking disorder along with her experiences with it.

People with this disorder have traits of Body Dysmorphic Disorder and usually suffer from depression. It is an Impulse Control Disorder that is fueled by high levels of anxiety. The first few pages can be previewed at the Lulu.com site, which includes a better definition of Dermatillomania.

Even if you do not have Facebook, the prices are listed there for Canadian, American, and International buyers. If you do, please spread the word of the fan page to everyone on your friend's list, even if you have to tell them that you're spreading the word for a friend! We need to raise awareness about this silent disorder and help break the stigma on mental health in general. You never know who is suffering in isolation from having this condition.

Please e-mail forever.markedATyahoo.ca if you want to purchase from Angela directly; she offers a lower shipping price than Lulu.com does. Include the country that you live in and she can send you a quote. She ships the day she gets a payment (or the day after), then sends an e-mail to confirm that it was sent.

Thank you. <3


hey guys, i just need people to relate to. [09 Jan 2009|04:13pm]

i've never known anyone else who cuts, and this is quite amazing to see others who do the same.
here's some about me:

01. Whats your name? Brooke
02. Age, Birthday, and Local? 15, 7/5/93, NY
03. Form of SI?: cutting
04. Why do you SI?: to kill some numbness here and there
05. When was your first time, if you remember? What did you use? 3 or 4 months ago, with my very own swiss army knife that my mom gave me as a present, with a nail file and scissors too. bad idea :P
07. What do you use? the same swiss army knife. I need something different.
08. Do you hide it? yuuup
09. Do you listen to music while you SI? If so, who? : nope.
10. Anyone know? Want them to? no. i'd like to keep it that way.
11. Eating Disorders? not anymore
12. Mental Disorders? probably.
13. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend? tell her about me.

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wanting to cut need help [09 Jan 2009|10:49am]

i have  been going through alot lot of shit latley and i have been wanting to cut so bad but i know it is not good and i should try to put my frutraison and anger else were and i need somebodys advise. another reason is beacsue i use my rasor and it is realy dull and wont do and i want a new one before it all builds up and explodes and i try doing something worse. i am kind of suicidal so i don't want to end up doing anything major like that because i have tried. i need somebody anybody who knows what i feel and am going through.
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hey [17 Dec 2008|03:03pm]


hey i amgoing through alot of shit right now and i want to cut so bad. but i can't because my mom will find out because all i can do is my legs and they arn't healed yet so i would have to do my arms.  i don't know what else to do that has helped me so much and i cant talk to anyone in my family because they won't understand. any one who reads this. HELP
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Relief [21 May 2008|12:56am]

[ mood | depressed ]

So it was over a year I went without a fresh cut to my body. Over a year before I did it again. I quit cutting in early March of 2007. I lasted until early April 2008. Since April I have cut about 6 times. Most recently though. Twice in April and 4 times in the last few days. I feel relieved though. Something I have not felt in a long time. The first time it was like I hadn't even done it. The second time a little better. This time it's working. But it's taking more to help, thus the for times in such a short time. My cutting is very hard though.

I'm in Afghanistan as a medic working in an aid station and it's very hard to keep it hidden. If someone jokingly slaps me on the arm, I bleed through my top. I have recently cut in places I have never cut before because it is easier to hide. Easier to get away with. I find that I'm turning back to old habits I had once thought to be rid of. I knew I was never going to be rid of cutting when it controls you for almost 10 years of your life letting go of it is never a possiblity completely. You will always think about it. Either way, I thought I had gotten over the compulsive behaviors I had when I cut before. For years before I stopped cutting I could cut here and there and be ok. When I hit the peak of my insanity with my cutting I found myself maticuously cutting in perfect rows, or lines or in even numbers or evenly on both arms to make it symetrical or perfect. I loved the perfection, the feeling of doing something right. I didn't think that was still me until I noticed my arm, in a perfect row, with the perfect 1/4 inch of space between each cut, the perfect length of each one. The presise placement of each one. it's scary. I don't want to find myself back in that hole again. I didn't want to find myself in this hole again in the first place but I did and I won't say I regret it. It's part of who I am. It always will be. I just am scared. Afraid of the consiquenses of my actions toward myself. I hate myself. I hate that I always end up where I am.

I knew inside that no matter how happy I found myself in life it was never going to go away. That feeling, the need that I have inside myself to cut. To bleed and feel free again. I know I'm depressed, that's a given, I'm always depressed. I get questioned all the time about it. I don't play into it and pretend I'm fine. It works until I cannot handle the depression anymore. I think I hate the idea of being a burden on another person so I hold it in and let it out by bleeding. I mean I honestly don't know the root of my depression. If I did I would know how to talk about it. I think. Or I might still just always hide away the feeling and still cut myself.

Things are good right now. My dad is stable in his sickness, I'm engaged to an amazing man, I have a great support group back home that send me things all the time, and call me constantly. I have good friends here, I work with a great group of people. I'll go home and get married to this amazing man and for some reason, I feel lost........... Alone.... and full of pressure.....

In the end. I'm afraid of losing my job here. Losing the military, I love it here. I love my job, I love my work my friends and I am just so scared..... of losing it all....

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cut me dry. [06 May 2008|06:00am]

alright. so I'm heather.I'm 14. I want to cut really bad. i dont know what to do. i cut a lot a couple years ago and ive been really good about not cutting even when i want to.  but last week i cut again.  really badly. i wrapped a hair elastic around my arm twice and slid it down so it would cut of circulation. it makes it bleed a lot more.  i cut 48 times in 3 nights. im just so stressed and i cant deal with it.  i started all cuz my mom died. i wish that i never started. whatever...i cant change the past. but i dont know how to change the future. so much of my wants to cut that it hurts. a little part of me knows that i shouldnt, but that part always gets covered up by the feelings i have. i cut because i hate myself, im stressed, im tired, they think im fine and im NOT, to feel better.    i dont know what exactilly about it makes me feel better. its really odd.
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.... [29 Apr 2008|11:41pm]

[ mood | annoyed ]

I wan na cut and I dont know why I shouldnt be doing this anymore. I just cant help it adn the funny thing is its not the big things that push me to it its the little things like today I freaked out because I couldnt find anything to wear and its just like this feels that I cant breathe.. and until i do there no air.

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for the first time in years... [19 Apr 2008|08:34pm]

[ mood | shitty. ]

i really feel like cutting. like hurting myself so bad. things are just falling apart. all of a sudden too. this morning i was filled with confidence and i was unstoppable. but after i took a nap after work it just got horrible. i've been trying to hang out with this guy for weeks now. over a month. every weekend we plan on hanging out. then friday he gets caught up with something so we reschedule for saturday. then saturday comes and he just doesn't contact me whatsoever. it upsets me, you know. then i get in a fight with my sister. she decides she wants to call me from the other side of the house and im losing my voice so i said hold on, hold on, i'll be right there. and even my mom heard me. then i went to my moms room where my sister was and i ask her what she wants coz i told her hold on. and she starts yelling at me and says nevermind. how fucking shitty is it to have to stop what you're doing right in the middle and go talk to someone who just says 'nevermind.' wtf. anyways. then my mom comes and tells me shit for it. and i'm upset, so i tell her i can't handle it right now. and she says 'how dare you tell me you can't handle it right now. i deal with your shit all the time and i can never handle it.'  she just doesn't notice.. ever.. she just ignores it. i can't take it. i've been popping pills and drinking alot of coffee every day this past week. i've been ditching class and swim practice.. i'm whoring around. i've become a mess. i don't know what to do. i want to just die. >.< 

i don't expect any reply. i've been an asshole and haven't even skimmed through any communities in i don't know how long. 

x-posted btw.

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[04 Dec 2007|09:33pm]


7 months ago, I was abandoned by the one person I thought loved me truly and unconditionally. I cut myself, deeply, 21 times on my right leg. I had cut myself before then, but never that badly, never to that degree. A friend turned me into the school psychologist when she saw my leg, and the shrink turned told my parents. My parents nearly sent me to a mental institution once they found out how extensive my self-destructive habits were. They took all of the dangerous objects out of the house. As a result, I turned to alcohol, starvation, ODing on my meds, and a lot of other things that I'm not very proud of. I haven't cut myself since then. Not because I don't want to. Because I am unable to. I want to so, so bad, and that terrifies me. Whenever someone asks if I've thought about hurting myself again, I plaster a smile onto my face and say no, with my fingers crossed behind my back. I want to hurt so badly. I don't want to die. I just want to hurt. I deserve to hurt.

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Community [14 Aug 2007|10:21am]

While reading this community, I noticed that there are many loving and caring people who have been hurt badly in so many different ways. There are many ways that help is available, and I'm hoping that my community can ease some of your demons.

It doesn't say in the userinfo page that I cannot do this, so here I go and I am terribly sorry if this offends anyone. And if it does, the mod can delete this entry immediately. I created a community a while ago called attemptfailed: for people who have attempted suicide. It is not a pro- suicide community, but it is one for people to tell their stories, get advice, find people to relate to, etc.

There is much more about it on our userinfo page, but I thought I'd give a little introduction to the community in case anyone out there is interested. Take care everyone.

X~Posted, please leave comments on 1st entry of attemptfailed if you have any questions
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New plea [08 Jul 2007|03:21pm]

New plea.

Dear all,

Firstly, I would like to thank you all for the fantastic support you have offered after my last post asking for photographic models. I received messages from people offering support, willing to have their photo taken or those wishing to fill in a questionnaire. I couldn’t have expected a better response and I hope I come across as genuine when I explain how grateful I am. That gratitude is also extended to all the moderators who kindly left my posts up for people to read. Thank you.
Your support on my last project has inspired me to push my creativity further and extend the self-harm project that I began over two years ago.
This time I am hoping other people might be willing to get involved as I am opening the 'requirements' up to include many more heath issues.
Although I have not yet written my Artist statement, I am hoping to make the most of my 4/5-month holiday by getting a head start on next term’s project.
The project I worked on for my first year of my BA(Hons) Photography, at Anglia Ruskin University, was surrounding the subject Self Injury/Harm. My initial plan was to put together a book of shots of young men and women who use self-harm. I had always planned to put these, headless, images in a book. However after much deliberation I decided to hand in a miniature version of the images, kept in a box for presentation and to save the book idea for my second year.
I now have another 8 or 9 months to put together a comprehensive collection of images that not only cover the issue of self harm, but also bring in other issues that may trigger self harm or are produced as a secondary to self harm (although I realize this is very different for everyone). I intend to create images that contain men and women, of all ages, colour or sexuality, who have had or who currently are experiencing issues with, self harm, anorexia/bulimia/EDNOS, depression, binge eating, disassociation, sexual abuse/rape survivors, participation in S&M, transgender/ transexuality, scaring from incidence etc. Essentially I am hoping to capture many aspects of mental health with a specific look at how mental health affects you physically and how you feel about your body.
As part of this work, I would like to follow 3 or 4 people through treatment. This could be in-patient or out patient, mental health related treatment or physical health. For ease, it would be great if the participating people lived near Cambridge or around the south of the country, however, I would be willing to travel if needed.
The idea of lots of people modeling once, representing their own lives and stories, means I can share very small insights into a mind set or situations. However, by having the chance to follow 3 or 4 (or more if possible) people through one part of their lives, documenting the details of their stories, I have the opportunity to show people a much deeper look into life with impairments.
I hope that the work is tasteful, that it never glorifies SI or any other issues that may be raised, yet at the same time offer people who don’t understand a chance to see how it affects people. That is where your help comes in!
I may be able to explain my own relationship with self-harm and mental/physical health, I may even be able to give statistics, but unless many people get to share their stories.. We can’t expect people to just get it.
Just like last time, I am looking for people from anywhere in the UK, 
any age (as long as your over 16 with parental consent or over 18), and either sex. I would be willing to help out with travel costs to my home and you would be more than welcome to stay at my house with a friend of yours.
This time the compassion of the images will be slightly different, but you will always have the last word on what you are happy to do.
The models I have used so far are my close friends, people who I love and would always want to protect, as well as the wonderful people who nominated them selves. I would never exploit anyone and I will include text in the book that describes just how grateful I am for the models co-operation. All models will need to sign a model release form.
I am telling you all about the book and my hopes for the future as I would like to ask if anyone would want to take part? I want to show all aspects of self-harm and mental health issues, not just scars or tears or meds. There is so much more to it. The smiles you have to put on for those around you, the depression you feel, the guilt, the eating distress, the arguments with loved ones, I want to try and communicate that too.
I am hoping to get moving as soon as possible, so if you have some free time over the summer and fancy a trip to Cambridge, please e-mail and we can work something out!
Feel free to contact me, Indigo.Clouds.Imagery[@]Gmail[.]com
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New Book About Cutting Released May 2007 [08 May 2007|05:12pm]

My name is Vanessa and I have struggled with anorexia for 20 years and self-injury for more than 30 years. In a quest to understand the reasons behind my behavior, I entered an intensive therapy program and the insight I gained was so valuable, I decided to share my story with others. Comes the Darkness, Comes the Light is a story of self-injury and redemption. By understanding some of the root causes behind my self-injury, I was able to go forward on a path to healing and have just celebrated my first year injury free!

I would love to have you visit my blog and respond to some of my entries!
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[27 Apr 2007|09:24pm]

I used to cut about two years ago (when i was 16 and struggling with bulimia quite severly), i've been in the hospital for my ED, but they never found out about the cutting. It has always scared me when i do it, and now i'm getting pretty deep into anorexia, and in treatment and i'm getting the urge to cut again. I have a coupple times in the past week, but nothing severe. Do any of you have advice on how to keep myself from doing this again? It really scares me, but at the same time it helps me too. Advive please. :/
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[27 Apr 2007|09:20pm]

So right now, I am one of the one ones who is single in my group of friends. And I hate the fact that it bothers me. It hurts me to see them kiss or mess around on the floor. I hate my self for feeling that way.

I know they care about me and if I asked them to they would probably stop. But I don't want to do that. They have every right to be happy.

But they keep asking whats wrong and I can't tell them which worries them.

Oh well I'll get over it.
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Self harm image book. [21 Apr 2007|05:07pm]

Hey, my name is Jo. I am 24 and I live in Cambridge UK

I'm doing a fine arts degree, BA(Hons) Photography, at Anglia Ruskin University. I'm in my first year but I have worked as a photographer previously.

For my major project this year I am studying self harm. Its something I have worked with before and personal experience of.

I hope that the work is tasteful, that it never glorifies SI, yet at the same time offers people who dont understand it a chance to see how it affects people.

I decided that I didnt simply want the photos up on a wall as they were too private. So I am putting together a book. It wont be published, I will only make a handful of copys. It will be A4/5 size and each page will have 2 or 3 images on. Along with that will be a very small amount of text that's either commentory from me, statistics or quotes taken from the small questionair I have asked my models to fill in.

The models I have used so far are my close friends, people who I love and would always want to protect. I would never exploit anyone and I will include text in the book that describes just how greatful I am for the models co-operation.

I am telling you all about the book as I would like to ask if anyone would like to take part? I want to show all aspects of self harm, not just scars or tears. There is so much more to it. The smiles you have to put on for thoes arond you, the depression you feel, the guilt, the eating distress, the arguments with loved ones, I want to try and communicate that too.

I wonder how you might feel about helping me acheve that?

Models will need to be over 16 and have permission from parents if under 18. You will need to live in the UK and be avaliable for a photoshoot as soon as possiable. Models are not paid but I can help with traveling costs, offer you and a friend food/a bed for the night and you will have an opertunity to buy a copy of the book when finished if you would like.

I am needing people as quick as possiable as the project needs to finish in the next 4/5 weeks and some models backed out. That said, if you do offer, you will be under no pressure to do anything you are uncomfortable with. Even if that means you getting here and changing your mind. If you are interested I can show you some images I already have to see what you think. Feel free to pass this on to friends you think may be interested.

I hope this post isnt inapropreate, feel free to remove it. x-posted to other self harm communities.

You can leave messages here or you can e mail me at GumChewingFreak[@]Gmail[.]com

Thank you for reading, have a safe day xx xx
3 comments|post comment

[02 Apr 2007|03:36pm]

[ mood | content ]

so, i wrote a poem the other day, and i decided to post it 
in a few of these communities. i`m sure somebody out
there can relate. =] oh, and btw, i`m so sorry i haven`t
been around in a long time.. but i`m letting you all know
i`m still alive, and doing way better than i have been.
let me know what you think, any input would be 
greatly appreciated. kisses.


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so ok... [31 Mar 2007|10:28pm]

long time no post. thats a good thing tho. i doubt any of you remember me. i havent posted in probly 6 months or more. 16, female, previously from CT, now in WV. still doubt you remember. 

anyways, just thought id let you all kno that its been 7 months since the last time i cut. this weekend's been hard tho. i found out that my mom was in the hospital (i live with my grandparents) bcuz she had multiple ovarian cysts, that my best guy friend of 4 years might have cancer again, and that im at risk for getting ovarian cysts myself. 

life seems to have gone to shit in the last 24 hours. -sighs- alas, i'll deal with it the way i have been. i'll sit down and write a poem or something. 

thats more than enough bitching for one entry.

hope everyone is well.

~Anzu (Anca previously) 
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How? [17 Jan 2007|10:07pm]

[ mood | scared ]

I always thought if i got certain things back in my life i would be happy. I missed my ex boyfried O! so bad i was crazy for him still am he had this rule about not dating the same girl twice but he did. were dating and yes im happy god am i happy. but now im scared to lose him and i hate feeling like that all the time. i feel like im always walking on thin ice. he doesn't know that but i do. and when i feel back into a corner i want to cut. but of course hes COMPLETELY against that. and that would cause me to lose but its so hard.

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[17 Jan 2007|01:11am]

I hate myself
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